Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Can I please have my happy ending?

And I am not referring to the Asian kind. I mean the utopically perfect life I was promised if I went to school, then college, got a job and found a man to marry. Granted, I took a couple shortcuts along the way, drove drunk and deviated from the route quite a bit but at the end I got to my destination. I graduated college, got a career and conned a decent man into marring me and yet I feel like so much is missing. I am looking for a purpose, a motivation, something to believe in, something to lean on. And if you tell me to have a child I might just punch you in the face. Seriously.

Lately I can't seem to shake this feeling, this incredibly aggravating voice in my head telling me all that is wrong with me and all that I am not doing to make a difference and create a legacy. Go green, exercise more, eat less, quit smoking, save money, take your fucking vitamins, get some sleep... I have tried everything to shut the bitch up but nothing seems to work, no vodka, no beer, no fatty food or designer purchase. Nothing, the bitch is resilient. So I guess I have to shut up and listen. Listen to myself, really listen. Something I haven't done in quite some time for one reason or another. Mainly because sometimes its painful, it is painful to take a deep, hard look inside yourself and realize you left your dreams on hold, on hold for the "better" things that came along. Came along and are now gone. The way I see it, I have 2 options. Either I sit on my couch and let life happen (which I do quite often) or I take charge, stop making excuses and do me, do me and mine. Create my own happy ending, Asian kind and all.

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry to let you know that there is no "happy ending" in our life. It is up to you to be happy with your today and with what you got. One must learn how to feel happy through our journey in this life. You have to learn to laugh out loud when shit happens, cause it will!!! Belive me... More than you think. After all these years I have learned to do so and has helped me go through life without regreats. (and without spending thousands in therapy) So you are right, no more excuses, and take charge! Create your happy ending!!!:-)