Friday, September 24, 2010


WARNING: The following rant is not the normal type of writing that you get from me. This is unapologetic, raw, angry and full of f*bombs. If you believe in unicorns, rainbows, world peace and that love lasts forever, I strongly advise you not to read.

You know what?? I’m tired, tired of being “happy”, it’s fucking exhausting. I’m done, I’m done smiling, I’m done being positive, I’m done seeing the motherfucking glass half full. I’m done. It is so much pressure to be happy that I almost rather be bitter and bitchy. Yes, I love where I live. Yes, I love my husband (most of the time). Yes, I love my friends (the few that I have). Yes, I am grateful for all that I have but guess what?? I despise a lot of things too and I feel like I should be able to be angry and spit out a fucked up comment or two every once in a while. Since when is it socially unacceptable to complaint about whatever the hell you want to complaint about just because “there is always someone next to you that is worse off”? Seriously? Fuck off.

I have been wondering why I haven’t been able to write in about 2 months and I came to the conclusion that it is because I’m numb, I’ve tried so hard to suppress the angry, sarcastic, snarky bitch that I am that I have completely depleted my brain of any good writing material!! Honestly, I believe happiness produces good novels, but sarcasm and anger produce relatable reads…but maybe that’s just me.

Besides, watch the news, read the paper, listen to the people on the streets…is there really that much to be happy about? The economy is shit, the health crisis is not getting any better, the caps are melting, the weather is bananas, people are losing their homes, there are no jobs and I still haven’t won the lottery.

I have decided to stop feeling guilty for not being satisfied, for wanting more, for thinking that the road doesn’t end here and I have no reason to be complacent, I have earned my right to rant. Yes, my life has gotten much better. No, I don’t have the stress of a horrible job that I hate. But the world I live in is so unbelievably fucked up! I have recently flirted with the idea of having a child in a couple years but the more I think about it, the more I analyze it, the more panic sets in. I honestly can barely take care of my dogs and seriously consider giving them up for adoption about 4 times a week. Kids, you cant give back kids, no matter what that crazy Torry-Ann Hansen lady did to that little Russian boy. Granted, a child will not piss on your floor or eat your walls but still, you have to feed it, educate it, protect it and love it. That kind of love terrifies me. Unconditional love, just the thought of it makes my stomach turn like everything worth worrying about. That topic will be one day worth revisiting.

Back to the angry, sarcastic, snarky bitch that I am...Let me asure you, I like being all happy, sweet and nice. And I am nice just don't be an idiot because I have no patience for it and I am simply not going to take it. By not taking it I mean I will embarass you in front of your friends by calling you out on your idiocy. If this makes me an angry, sarcastic, snarky bitch, then sign me up. So, world, what I am asking from you is to please let me be angry, let me be pissed off. At least for this week. Who knows? Maybe this is the infamous PMS showing its ugly face, but I suspect it is not, I'm pretty sure I'm wired like this, this is who I am and I do not plan on apologizing.